From: The Director 69 (10): 22, 24, 26, 28. 1997 Oct.

Bridging the Gap: Understanding Chinese Cultural Differences

By Calvin Sun

We've all felt embarrassed. Perhaps we showed up at party improperly dressed. Or maybe we spelled the decedent's name wrong.

Embarrassment can be easy enough within your own culture. It's even easier when dealing with different cultures. What you consider a polite gesture, someone from another culture may consider offensive. Indeed, when interviewed in January, NFDA President Maurice E. "Mike" Newnam III said that death care professionals must be "Better educated about customs and needs of the various ethnic families [they] serve."

It is important to realize the significant cultural differences between Chinese and American funeral customs. Knowledge of Chinese customs will help you avoid the sort of gaffe that the Chinese ambassador to England made when dining with Queen Victoria-he drank the finger bowl.

Importance of Chinese to the Death Care Industry

*Globalization: Advances in transportation, communications, and computers have made the world smaller. Businesses no longer limit themselves to their own countries. Businesspeople have begun to appreciate the positive effects that overseas assignments have on their careers.

* Economic opportunity: America still is viewed by many as the "land of opportunity." Indeed, during the previous century, Chinese referred to the United States as being a "mountain of gold." Parents (including my in-laws) still make tremendous sacrifices to give their children a chance for a better life in America.

* Political uncertainty: Closely related to the previous factor is that of political uncertainty, specifically related to Hong Kong. Formerly a British colony, Hong Kong was reverted to the People's Republic of China on July 1, 1997. In response, many prominent Hong Kong business people have been leaving.

With their education, income and strong family structure, the Chinese represent a tremendous opportunity. Therefore, you need to have a good knowledge of Chinese customs and culture. Many Chinese will be too polite to tell you that they were upset about something you did or said. They and their friends simply will go elsewhere.


Aspects of Chinese culture and "pitfalls" to avoid: Modesty

Several years ago, I was in China on a tour. Native Chinese would compliment me on my spoken Chinese. I would reply (in Chinese), "thank you." Shortly thereafter, the tour leader pulled me aside and told me to stop agreeing with these comments, and to say instead "Oh no, my Chinese is poor."

Chinese, still influenced by "Confucian thought," value modesty. For example, though inwardly they may be proud, Chinese parents often will disparage their children to others. If you compliment them on something, they will disagree with you and speak poorly of themselves.

Therefore, be careful about agreeing with compliments about your office, staff or other aspects of your business. Instead, consider saying how you try your best, but that you realize you always can do better.


Eating

You may be invited at some point to dine with a Chinese family. While the ability to use chopsticks is desirable, your inability to use them probably will not harm you.

However, be careful about "seasoning" your food. In Western culture, you ask for salt, pepper or steak sauce all the time. However, in Chinese settings, asking for seasoning will insult the host or hostess. The request implies that the food was prepared poorly. My father often talks about a female relative who, much to my mother's annoyance, asked for soy sauce when eating at our home.

An example of this faux pas occurred in the movie The Joy Luck Club. In one scene, a Chinese woman has brought her American fiance home for dinner. With proper modesty, the woman's mother brings out a dish, but apologizes for it being underseasoned. The young man then commits two outrageous errors: he agrees with the mother, then he asks for soy sauce, and pours it onto the dish, unaware of the shock of the girl's parents.

Chinese tea is drunk "straight up." Never pour in sugar, never add milk, and NEVER stir with a chopstick.


People's names

My name is Calvin Sun. Calvin is usually called my first name (because it is said first), while Sun is my last name (because it is said last). The traditional custom among Chinese is to say the last (surname or family name) name first, followed by the first (given) name. For example: a famous Chinese statesman was Chou En-lai. His family name was Chou, and his given name was En-lai. Therefore, he would have been addressed as "Mr. Chou" rather than "Mr. En-lai." Note the punctuation of the given name. MOST Chinese given names follow this pattern, when romanized (that is, written in English), of

*hyphenation (En-lai)
*the first part of given name capitalized (En-lai)
*the second part not capitalized (En-lai)

This punctuation rule generally applies only to Chinese from Taiwan or the People's Republic of China. In contrast, for example, my late father-in-law was born and raised in Hong Kong. His family name was Choy, and his given name was Ng Kai. Note that he wrote his given name without the hyphen, and with the second part of the given name capitalized.

To confuse you further, not all Chinese follow this practice. For example, the founder of the computer company Wang Laboratories was named Dr. Wang. However, his given name was simply "An" (he did not have a two-part given name). Also, during his lifetime, he was addressed both as "Dr. Wang An" and as "Dr. An Wang."

If in doubt, ask. Most Chinese will be gracious enough to tell you the structure of their name, and will be impressed with your sensitivity.


No shoes at home

Many Chinese go shoeless at home and expect visitors to do likewise. After you remove your shoes, they may offer you a pair of slippers or sandals.


Language

There is no way that I can teach you the Chinese language in this article. I do, however, want to address the following points:


No Chinese say "alphabet"


The written Chinese language consists of characters (also known as pictographs). Each character is a word. Therefore, separate characters exist for the words man, woman, child or house. For example, the Chinese statesman Chou En-lai had 3 characters for his name: one for "Chou," another for "En," and a third for "lai." On the other hand, Dr. Wang An had just two-one for Wang, the other for An.

In order to read and write English, a person needs to know 26 letters of the alphabet. However, a person needs to know approximately 5,000 characters in order to read and write Chinese.

To avoid losing credibility, refrain from talking about the Chinese alphabet.


Dialects

The Chinese language has several dialects. The main difference among dialects is in the way characters are spoken. The meaning of a character or group of characters remains the same. Therefore, two persons who speak different dialects can communicate by writing, if not by speaking.

The two main dialects in Chinese are Cantonese (spoken primarily in southern China, Hong Kong and the various Chinatowns throughout the United States) and Mandarin (spoken in northern China and Taiwan). The Chinese character for "sky" is pronounced tian in Mandarin, and teen in Cantonese.

Some other differences:

English	Mandarin	Cantonese
died	sze le	sei jo
pasto	rmu shr	mok see
God	tian fu	teen fu
flower	shwa	fa

Many non-Chinese speakers will mispronounce the tone of a character, thereby saying something completely different. In Chinese, different words have different meanings depending on how that word is said. For example, ma pronounced in a high level tone means "mother." Ma pronounced in a rising tone means "horse."

Some more examples:

Cantonese Words	one tone pattern	another tone pattern
mai dan	pay restaurant bill	buy eggs
da faw gei	cigarette lighter	beat up a waiter
chi sin	charity	insane

In many cases, you will be dealing with a family having both non-English-speaking and English-speaking members. You should try to gain the support of the English speaking member(s)-generally an adult child. You can do so, and also minimize the risk of mispronouncing Chinese (assuming a pre-need rather than an at-need visit):

* greet the family in English
* identify the member(s) that speak English
* tell them you're going to say "how settings are you" then ni how ma or nay ho ma depending on whether the family speaks Cantonese or Mandarin. While doing so, keep an eye on the English-speaking member.

Even if you mispronounce the words (which you probably will), the English-speaking member hopefully will jump in and interpret for you. Because they are there, the chances are small that anyone will be offended. On the contrary, you will

* give them a good laugh, and "break the ice"
* demonstrate to them your interest in Chinese culture

Humor

Have you ever been in a room with people who speak another language, listening to a speaker of that language? Suddenly, everyone laughs, and you have no idea why. The speaker made a joke, which you were unable to understand.

The same thing can happen if you attempt humor with Chinese. Many times, they will have trouble grasping irony or "tongue in cheek" statements. For example:

* The daughter of a friend showed me her driver's license. I said to her (in jest) that Pennsylvania law requires that the worst version of the driver's photograph be used on the license. When the friend himself (who was born in Hong Kong) overhead what I said, he asked me why the state had such a law.

* (story from the Wall Street Journal) A joke was told to a person from China: "Bad news, your car just went over a cliff." "Good news, it got 40 miles per gallon on the way down." The Chinese person's reaction: "Why do you find a car accident funny?" Unless you're sure about your clients, refrain from humor.

Finance

Many Chinese eschew credit, credit cards or even checks. Instead, they pay for items in cash­even houses. Be prepared, therefore, to receive cash (in full) when closing on arrangements with a Chinese family. Also, if the family is from Hong Kong, they may attempt to bargain with you.


Terminology: "from Taiwan" versus "Taiwanese"

Politics is always a dangerous topic for discussion. So too in dealing with the Chinese. Chinese properly can refer to someone from China. However: Taiwanese does not automatically refer to anyone who is from Taiwan.

To understand this statement, you must understand the relationship between Taiwan and mainland China, known officially as the People's Republic of China. In 1949, civil war in China ended with the defeat of Nationalist forces under Chiang Kai-shek (his family name was Chiang) by the Communist forces under Mao Tse-tung. Chiang and his forces withdrew to the island of Taiwan (named Formosa by Portuguese colonists, but rarely used now), proclaiming it the "Republic of China," as opposed to Mao's "People's Republic of China."

The people living on Taiwan at that time were and are known as Taiwanese, and have a dialect distinct from both Mandarin and Cantonese. Many were and remain resentful of the Nationalist takeover, and of restrictions on Taiwanese culture (which may be easing now).

In any case, do not automatically assume that a person or family from Taiwan is "Taiwanese."

"Feng shui"

Feng shui is the Chinese art of arranging objects so as to be as beneficial as possible. It is based on ancient Chinese beliefs about the relationship of people to the elements of nature. The January 1997 issue of Training and Development has a full explanation of feng shui.

Be aware that a Chinese family might request special placement of items during a viewing. Also, feng shui might influence their choice of a grave.


Colors

Among many Chinese, white can serve as a symbol of mourning, as well as black.

Refrain from having red at a service, either in your clothing or in floral arrangements. Red is a "wedding" color.


Graveside details

In most cemeteries, the grounds crew will wait until the procession has left before lowering the casket. However, a Chinese family might want to see the lowering occur before they leave. This desire might stem from rumors they have heard of casket-switching.

In the same way, Chinese families might be upset at the removal of flowers from a casket before its lowering.

To avoid embarrassment, work out details and expectations with the family and with the cemetery beforehand.


Decedent photograph

Chinese families customarily display a picture of the decedent. A child or relative will carry this picture during the procession to the cemetery. You might want to ask the family what you can do to help, perhaps by supplying a frame.

This article discussed general differences between Chinese and American customs. Obviously, not every Chinese person or family will adhere to every custom mentioned. However, by at least asking, you show sensitivity and awareness of cultural differences.

Your knowledge of Chinese customs and culture will give you an advantage over your competitors in serving an increasingly important market. The Chinese general Sun Tzu could just as easily have been talking about clients in his famous work, The Art of War: "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."

Updated August 6, 1999 by Webmaster